the bean needs to be toughened

we had a friend over recently who brought her 2 kids so that our children can play together. but this adult idea of happily playing kids turned out to be quite impossible.

my friend's 3 year old son, who had been quite sweet if very high spirited before, was very aggressive with the bean that day.

when he wasn't tearing around on the bean's little red car, he was skim reading books and throwing toys and books on the floor...so far that's normal little boy antics...but in between all that he kept going over to glower at the bean, arms akimbo, muttering threats: "you are NOT riding the car", "you can't have the book", "you can't have the biscuit", "you can't have my water"...even when she wasn't anywhere near the items.

meanwhile, every book or toy that dd picked up would be snatched from her and he would shove and use his superior height and size to intimidate. the bean would then frown and run and sit on my lap. no complaints or whines from her AT ALL mind you, which made me both proud of her and also sad; whatever overtures she made to the 2 children were misinterpreted as encroachment on their turf (even though it was her house, her books and her toys). so she became quite silent during their entire visit. (the only time she was very vocal was when they were leaving, and her goodbyes were decidedly loud.)

finally towards the end of their visit, and almost predictably, the boy shoved the bean who fell on her back, hit her head on the floor and bawled. she's very unused to other children being so physical and it took a while for her to calm down. my friend got her son to apologise to the bean, twice, because the first time he was quite perfunctory.

but all this aggression resulted in the bean vomitting. i was a bit worried at first, wondering if it was from her fall, but my friend said it was probably stress induced.

i wonder what made that little boy behave in this manner. it was all unprovoked as well, since the bean was very accommodating, being quite happy for the company and wanting to share her toys. in fact, when they first arrived, she picked up a soft toy and brought it to them. i did notice that as the visit progressed the bean stopped doing that and began to imitate their 'snatching' manner.

my friend told me that her son had been behaving this way since he joined a playgroup where there were older, bullying boys. if there are no other underlying reasons for her son's behaviour, then it certainly proves how like sponges are children this age, with very little idea of the consequences of their actions.

here's another case for the kids-as-sponges simile: my friend's daughter, who's a few months younger than the bean, copies almost everything her big brother does and says. so after he tried to kick the bean, his sister did too.

if the bean had suffered any psychological or emotional damage from this encounter, the proof was when i asked the bean if she likes the 2 children, to which her reply was, "Yea!"

it's truly amazing how children bounce back.

dh was very nonchalant about it, saying that the bean will have forgotten about this incident on the morrow. i know he's right...but for me it was really hard to see the bean bullied. and i have at least another 18 years of such heartbreak. i guess i just need to get her (and me) toughened up.